Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I feel better


It's been awhile.

The hardest part about depression, compunded with a too strong attachment to whiskey, is not to admit that one has a problem, but to believe it.

In many ways, belief come hard for me.

I have always been a thoughtful boy; reading, considering what I have read, walking in the woods, observing the world and people around me...

Alone with my thoughts, so much of the time.

I had contact with others, family members, play mates...

But thinking things out, leads one to rely more on the reasons, than the feelings or beliefs.

Conflict arises then, as I am a deeply feeling person; I'd not be able to write poetry otherwise.

Early in life, I found I had trouble believing in the cradle religion in which I was raised. The stories seemed improbable, though many of the moral and ethical tachings were sound.

Which applies to the above, how?

Knowing a thing doesn't, to my mind, of necessity equate to believing a thing.

Which is where the problem in letting myself heal comes...

Until the past few days, I knew I had a problem, I've discussed it enough over the past few years.

But, I realize I did not Believe that I have a problem.

I do now and I feel better for this.

Now to control the problem instead of letting it continue to control me.


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